TAYLOR ASHLEY BATES
writer • yoga teacher
writer • yoga teacher
After experiencing a stillbirth and three subsequent miscarriages, I know how overwhelming it can feel to find support and community.
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I’ve been reflecting on the idea of resilience lately. I want to know more about how it’s possible to find beauty, gratitude, and joy in the midst of grief and trauma, which was my own experience after the stillbirth of my son, Ellis.
It’s National Rainbow Baby day, which celebrates babies born subsequent to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.
We’re still hoping for our rainbow baby, which is why I’ve started the Rainbow Baby Podcast—to document our own journey and to also tell the stories of others.
I‘ve got bittersweet feelings about summer coming to an end—it’s been such an enjoyable season and I’m sad it’s almost over. I feel like I’ve been making up for last summer somehow, when everything was shrouded in the darkness of grief after Ellis was stillborn.
Today I visited a fertility clinic for the first time. My OB referred me to a doctor who specializes in recurrent pregnancy loss, and I like her a lot—she is kind but direct. Based on our history she said we have a 5% chance of getting pregnant naturally and carrying to term.
Yin has been my healing energy lately. Yin is slow, quiet, receptive, and creative.
I just checked this book off my summer reading list and, wow, it is so rich. It’s an easy read that doesn’t sacrifice depth. And it’s just good storytelling, too.
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my state of being after a year of loss, grief, and transformation. I feel like I’m finally starting to emerge, like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon.
This past weekend I completed my 200-hour yoga teacher certification with Esther Vexler Yoga School. I started last September and have been meeting with my group of fellow teachers in training almost every other weekend for the last nine months.
An ultrasound confirmed on Tuesday that our little babe stopped growing a few weeks ago. I should have been about 10 weeks pregnant.
I just learned that today is Pregnancy After Loss Awareness Day. In light of this, I thought there’s no better time to announce that I am seven weeks pregnant.
A loved one gave us a small rainbow ornament for Ellis this Christmas. The tag on the ornament described a rainbow as a bridge between heaven and earth.
After the magical day at Enchanted Rock, I started seeing rainbows on a regular basis. It’s like all of the sudden I had on rainbow colored glasses.
In June, a month after Ellis was stillborn, we took him back up to Enchanted Rock. This time, instead of carrying him in my belly, Hunter carried Ellis in a tiny silver urn tucked away in his backpack.
There were no windows in the triage room but unbeknownst to me, a severe thunderstorm was pummeling the ground outside.
I realize I haven’t fully told you the story of Ellis’ rainbows yet. I’ve been writing about them for months now and can’t cull the story down to just one post, so I’ll share a piece every day this week.
Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart. Social media can make it seem like everyone gets pregnant easily and nine months later, voila, healthy baby!